A Story of Visions, Surrender, and the Art That Moves Through Me

The Cosmic Self-Portrait Painting That Marked My Return

The Dance of Creation and Chaos

When I reflect on my creative process, one idea from biodynamic agriculture often comes to mind.

In that practice, there is a technique called dynamizing—a rhythmic stirring of preparations in water. First, it creates a vortex, then suddenly reverses direction into chaos.

This cycle of movement, from flow to disruption and back again, repeats endlessly. It energizes the mixture, infusing it with vitality.

That image feels deeply familiar to me. It resonates not only in my work but also in my life.

It mirrors the constant circling I experience between motherhood and creativity, between striving and surrender, between chaos and calm.

I’ve come to realize that both parts of this rhythm are essential.

The driven, high-achieving version of myself carved the path. The slower, more spacious one allows me to truly walk it.

Life doesn’t unfold in a straight line—it spirals.

And I’m learning to trust the shape of that spiral.

My Journey Through Art

Let me share a bit of my background to give you a fuller picture.

Although I was formally trained as a fine artist, life swept me through many forms: art director in Madrid, production designer in New York City, producer, and business owner in both New York and Hawai‘i.

Eventually, I returned to Madrid in search of something quieter, more rooted—space to grow my creative work again.

That life—so full, fast, and demanding—transformed me.

I shifted from a high-achieving spirit chasing more clients, more money, more output… to someone softer.

I became more content, less driven by external success, and more attuned to a deeper hunger: for spirit, for beauty, for connection.

Chaos, then calm.

The Birth of the Frequencies Series

The Frequencies series came to me during a ceremony in deep meditation, in the jungle of Maui.

Maui, 2023

The vision arrived like a wave—pure energy—vivid and insistent.

I saw shapes, textures, colors. A calling.

But I didn’t trust it.

Life was loud with deadlines and accomplishments—milestones our family depended on—and painting felt too uncertain, too still.

I ignored the visions and continued the hustle.

And then life unraveled.

Eventually, there was nothing left to produce. The business we’d built ran its course. The projects ended. The noise quieted.

But the visions didn’t stop. They returned with even more clarity.

So we made a leap.

My husband and I sold our self-built farmhouse in Hawai‘i and moved to my home city of Madrid with our three little ones—and a fourth on the way.

We came to rest, to begin again.

And slowly, the painting began too.

At first, I tried to rebuild our video production company.

But it didn’t flow.

Then, I experienced the loss of the baby I was carrying—and something in me surrendered.

I dropped the business plan.

I let go of the hustle.

And I picked up the brush.

I knew it was time to listen.

To connect.

To follow the path that had been given to me.

The Process of Creation

Today, as a mother of three young children and a newborn, I paint.

In the quiet margins of the day—those rare slivers of solitude—I return to the canvas.

I listen inwardly.

I begin to paint.

But honestly, I don’t always feel like the one creating.

I feel more like a vessel than an artist.

These pieces move through me.

I give them time, form, and space—but their essence was alive long before I touched the brush.

It seems they have their own destiny.

I’m simply here to midwife them into the world.

The first painting in this series is called Awareness.

It holds the frequency of self-knowing—of returning to presence beneath roles and identities.

It invites us to see clearly—not through ego, but through stillness.

It’s the quiet work of coming back to ourselves.

The process is slow.

Sometimes just a single stroke.

Some days, no paint at all—just stillness.

Watching.

Trusting.

The canvas is a teacher of patience, of surrender.

The Unfolding Journey

Over the next few letters, I’ll share the unfolding of this piece—not just the final image, but the journey of the first cosmic self-portrait painting.

Because the real art, to me, is in the process: the transformations, the quiet revelations, the way life speaks through color and pause.

Painting has become my spiritual practice.

My medicine.

My way home.

Thank you for being here.

I’m so grateful to share this beginning with you.

With paint-stained fingers and an open heart,

Zahira